My Mid-Life Rebirth

I've been absent from most social media and websites for a period of some seven months.

I apologise if my disappearance caused anyone any concerns.

The truth of the matter is that I suffered some kind of meltdown. Years of pain coupled with months of depression finally caught up with me and I decided, for my own sake and the sake of my family, to shut down everything!

I avoided my computer. I left contractual obligations unmet and projects unfinished, I stopped responding to emails and, eventually, gave up even opening my email client on my phone or tablet.

I sought help from my doctor, who prescribed Prozac. The prozac kicked in after three weeks and for a few weeks I felt bouyant enough to concentrate on getting myself fully better. I had some hope of beating the negativity I'd been feeling for months. But within a few weeks the Prozac had stopped working - or had worked too well - because I suddenly found that my whole personality had been transformed, and not in a good way. My wife and daughter bore the brunt of this new "personality." I became unemotional, withdrawn, spiteful, argumentative and downright bad-tempered.

My life, in just a few weeks, had irrevocably changed. My marriage suffered (beyond repair) and we are now still living in the same house, but only because we cant afford to divorce or sell the home we had made for our daughter's future. If this situation continues to work for us both then at least Emily will always have a home once the mortgage is paid off - but it's far from ideal for either of us.

I became a different person - in so many ways I'm not going to describe here - I changed, and not in a good way.

At the time of writing this- it is now January 14th 2017 - I have reached a point where I feel I can function. To me I'm back to my old self - but it seems, that to my family, and in particular my wife, I am still the person I became in early summer last year.

Being in constant pain meant I was prescribed many different drugs - all of which played a part in my downfall. Most notably I was prescribed Prozac - which, when combined with morphine, amitriptyline, cocodamol and copious quantities of alcohol, completely altered my personality in the way already stated.

I am still in constant pain - despite the drugs. Despite the drinking. Despite everything.

Pain is now my life - emotionally as well as physically. Pain rules. I no longer take Prozac. I no longer drink to excess, I limit my morphine intake to days when I'm not working. Yet still - pain rules.

PAIN RULES as it has done for the past fourteen years.

It reached a peak in early summer 2016. I took prescribed medication to help. It didn't help.

I took advantage of the breakdown of my marriage to indulge in a different way of life - in the hopes that being true to myself would somehow heal my pains- it didn't.

I undertook a course of psychological counselling to try to beat my depression. It didn't work, but it did force me to take a good look at myself, and the overriding facts became clear (so in that way I suppose the counselling did work.) Pain was ruling and ruining my life because I was letting it take over. From waking to going to sleep pain was in my every thought and action. Pain, pain, pain. More pain and a little pain added for good measure. I was encased in pain. Not merely physical pain, but mental pain too.

I forced myself to join a gym. I turned the mental pain into more physical pain - but there was a reason for this pain. A cause to my suffering that I could identify - I was exercising my aching muscles and now they ached because I was working out - not because of the fibro - I was causing the pain and, in this way, it became more acceptable psychologically.

Being able to identify the cause of at least some of my pain made it a whole lot easier to accept - plus this pain has added benefits in that I look much better, physically, than I've ever looked. I have muscles - the guys at work now compare themselves to me rather than the other way of me comparing myself to them (and feeling inadequate like I always did) I'm fifty one, but I feel so much better than I did when I was twenty one.

Some might call it a mid-life crisis. I call it my mid-life rebirth.

Can A Scent Improve Your Fibromyalgia?

.I've never been big on aromatherapy. I mean, how can smelling some pungent odour treat your ailments?

The constant pain of fibromyalgia makes sitting, in a relaxed fashion for an hour or so, whilst inhaling some heated herbal concoction, a no no from the start. I can barely sit for more than five minutes without having to move around, fidget, or stand up and walk around the room for a few minutes. It's exhausting being unable to relax because of the pain.

Despite my known aversion to aromatherapy I was offered the opportunity to try out a new essential oil diffuser - a stylishly designed electric diffuser with a glass bowl and fluted pipe / chimney to disperse the aroma around the room. No sticking a tea light under a warming pot - no risk of fire, no mess, no hot parts on which to burn your skin. The company which make these diffusers, Organic Aromas, claim that it can help with the pain of fibromyalgia - hence my intrigue.

Having had constant pain in my lower back for many years now, as well as varying pains elsewhere and everywhere, and having tried many, many 'remedies' from medication to massage, exercise to electronic stimulation, with little to no success, I've reached the point of 'I'll try ANYTHING - just please let it work, for just an hour, or even half an hour! Okay, I'll settle for five minutes without pain.'

I've tried creams and potions, foam mattress toppers (which actually helped ease pain AND improved my sleep!) and drugs (not the illicit kind!) The drugs definitely don't work. I take them religiously because that's how to ensure that they have the maximum benefit - even when the pain is bearable - and they have absolutely no effect whatsoever (until, of course, I don't take them for a few days and the pain gets worse - so I suppose they do work after all, just not very effectively!!) and the drugs do have side effects, some of which can be worse than the pain they're used to treat!

So, getting back to the point - aromatherapy - would it work to get me relaxed and pain free?

The Organic Aromas Raindrop Diffuser

Within ten minutes of my package arriving in the post the device was set up, primed with the supplied essential oil and switched on. Instantly the room was filled with what I described as a heady, sweet aroma - unfortunately my wife thought it sickly sweet and 'cloying'. That was the Organic Aromas Signature Blend essential oil - sadly not a great success in our house. But I was enthused by how effective the device was - once a gadget man always a gadget man - it had seemed to fill the room within a matter of moments. So I decided to invest in a different scent of essential oil - we both love lavender, our garden is full of it, so I bought some of that.

The next day, whilst the wife and daughter were out, I set about my daily chores - with the added benefit of the beautiful aroma of lavendar silently filling the air. By the end of my daily tasks I felt as if I could do them again! Usually I'm fit to drop.

Could it have been the aroma? Had it had some therapeutic benefit after all?

Some time later I was contacted by Organic Aromas who were keen to learn how I'd got on with their product and, more specifically, their signature blend essential oil. I told them I was really pleased with the diffuser but that the oil they had supplied had not gone down too well. The mark of a professional company is how well they respond to negative feedback - Organic Aromas sent me two new oils to try out - their Serenity and Purity blends.

Both blends provide a delightful scent which helps me breeze through my domestic chores during the day, whilst on an evening I find I can sit for longer than my usual five minutes without fidgeting and when it comes to bed time I am able to switch off and sleep far more quickly than I have done for many, many years.

Relaxation is key to conserving energy for people with fibromyalgia, or any chronic pain condition. Often the hardest part of living with these conditions is poor quality, non-restorative sleep. My little diffuser works a treat at bedtime - and what's more, I don't need to worry about putting out the candles before I go to sleep - this little miracle turns itself off too.

All in all the Organic Aromas Essential Oil Diffuser is a massive hit in our household!

Would You Want To Know How You Might Die?

I recently undertook a test. A simple spit test, into a vial, which was then posted off to some

laboratory in deepest, darkest Eastern Europe.

The purpose of this test was to determine, from my DNA, my risk factors for developing specific ailments in later life (at least I hope they're for later life. Much later)

Why did I do this? Who really wants to know how they might die? Not me, that's for sure. Or so I thought.

But then I considered the evidence of how my life has changed so much in the past thirteen years. How I've developed these 'conditions' which have led to such drastic change for me and my family. How limited I am now in what I can do. And I thought to myself: If you'd known fourteen years ago how bad life was going to be wouldn't you want to have had the chance to do something about it? If not stop it completely at least stave it off for a few more years by doing things differently, or changing my lifestyle, getting treatment earlier?

Now I know that that is not how it happens with fibromyalgia or crohn's disease - you either get it or you don't. I don't think there's anything anyone could do to stop or delay or prevent these conditions. But there are so many preventable conditions out there that, if only they'd been caught earlier, might not lead to such drastic consequences - ie. death.

The old adage "prevention is better than cure" kept popping up in my head.

What if? Life is full of "What if?" - "What if I hadn't smoked for thirty years?" - "What if I'd exercised more?" - "What if I'd eaten more healthily?" We're plagued by "what ifs?" and, if you're anything like I used to be, we dismiss them and think "life is for living, let's not think about that right now - pass me another ciggie and pour me another beer so I can wash down this bacon double cheeseburger and fries before I bunjee jump off this suspension bridge!"

It inevitably comes with age. The creeping doubts, like the creeping lines in your skin. What if I'm getting old?" "How much longer have I got?"  "Ouch! Where did that sudden pain come from?" The old me would say "Ah, it's nothing." The current me thinks otherwise; "it's cancer, it's diabetes, it's heart disease..." the doubts. Prevention is better than cure.

So, against my better judgement, I signed up for The Futura Genetics DNA Test. When my kit was delivered I hesitated for a short while (two days) Did I really want to do this? I did it.

I registered my kit online and completed the online registration questionnaire which asked if I wanted to know my risk of developing Alzheimers - I ticked "NO" - (As it turned out they gave me the result anyway - but that's another story!!) I parceled up my spit tube and the courier came to collect it the next day.

That was a month ago. My results came through today. I'd forgotten all about it! (Doesn't bode well on the Alzheimers front!!)

I now know I'm unlikely to die of melanoma, an aneurysm or breast cancer. I do know that my risk of developing prostate and colorectal cancer is above average and that I am 7.4 times more likely to develop Type 2 Diabetes than the average - this was by far the largest multiple on my result sheet and something I wasn't expecting - I am unlikely to develop lupus, arthritis or arterial thrombosis and I am at only slighter higher risk of developing heart failure. I am 2.4 times more likely to develop multiple sclerosis than the average.

Each result is countered with a disclaimer - that other risk factors and lifestyle choices have not been considered and that the result is based purely on the DNA sample provided and checked against a vast array of previous results from white males of my age group.

I have to say that I was scared to open the report at first - I really didn't want to know what future ailment might see me off into the great Fibro lounge in the sky - so it was with some trepidation that I finally plucked up the courage to view it.

By far the biggest shock was the risk of Alzheimers - despite my request to not be advised of this risk. (I have to say that I have spoken with Futura about this and they are working on ensuring it never happens again - it was a system failure which has now been rectified.) My risk of developing Alzheimers is quite high and I am probably going to spend the rest of my life looking out for signs and symptoms - I already have the confusion of fibro-fog and am quite forgetful - especially when it comes to remembering films I've seen in the past - my wife will often say "Shall we watch that again?" and I won't have any recollection of watching it previously!

My main concern however is the risk of colorectal and prostate cancer - I have had bowel 'issues' for a number of years now - and many polyps have been removed during the three or four colonoscopy examinations I've endured. It's probably just a matter of time before one of them becomes cancerous and I've been aware of this risk since 2007 - this test confirms that I need more regular check ups in this area and that confirmation via this test is undoubtedly a good thing. Another plus to the knowledge I now have is that I can put in place lifestyle choices to counter and reduce any potential future risks - specifically in relation to my much hightened risk of Type 2 Diabetes - I hadn't been aware of any potential risk. I'm not obese, I eat as healthily as I can and I avoid most sugary foods and drinks - though I am partial to chocolate and beer!! It has also highlighted a high risk of me developing celiac disease - which I was tested for earlier this year with negative result - this also will need to be checked regularly.

Above all, and despite the unfortunate alzheimers result, I'm really pleased that I now know the extent to which my lifestyle might impact the diseases I could develop later in life. It is reassuring to know where my risk factors are high and (sort of) comforting knowing that I have the opportunity to change things by just altering some small things in my life.

I'm glad I did it. I can either use it as a warning to change or try to bury it in the bowels of my mind and forget all about it, but then what would be the point in that? I have been given the risk probabilities. I know where trouble might lie and I can do something about preventing or delaying it - that's got to be a massive plus for this test.

Dry, Itchy & Sore Skin Conditions in Fibromyalgia

One of the many, many symptoms experienced by a lot of
fibromyalgia sufferers is dry skin and uncontrollable itching - with me this affects my hands, forearms, shins and ankles the most. I can scratch until I bleed it gets that bad.

My GP has prescribed various topical treatments - hydrocortisone being the most frequent though he has also prescribed anti-histamines too - and I've invested a lot of money in sourcing the best itch-stop cream on the market - none of which have made any difference.

So I was excited to be asked to trial a product which not only promised to treat eczema, psoriasis and itching but also claimed to provide pain relief! What better invention could a fibromyalgic scratch monster wish for?

The Fay Farm's Healing CBD Hemp Lotion is handmade using only natural ingredients - many produced on the farm itself in Seattle, Washington, USA. None of their products use parabens, alcohol, mineral oil, or phthalates. The ingredient list for the Healing CBD Hemp Lotion reads like a top chef's shopping list;  grape seed oil, apricot kernel oil, emulsifying wax, stearic acid, argan oil, burdock, calendula, chamomile, chickweed, comfrey, licorice, to name but a few. All combined into a deeply aromatic lotion that feels as good as you would expect a top of the range topical lotion to feel but with the added benefit of Cannabidiol Oil to provide effective relief from associated muscle pain.

I'm always sceptical about claims of pain relief from topical lotions - I've tried the likes of Deep Heat and Voltarol in the past and they've been about as effective as chocolate kettles. My experience of them has left me in as much pain as before I used them and stinking like a chemical factory! The same cannot be said about this Fay Farm Lotion. On smell alone it beats the best of the best lotions on the market today. As far as treating my scaly itchy patches I was surprised at how rapidly the lotion was absorbed. I thought I must be doing it wrong so kept applying it, but each time my skin felt softer and more elastic. I must have reached some sort of saturation point when the lotion simply refused to soak in any more, only then did it feel greasy! Within minutes of applying it my itching had stopped and was replaced with a gentle 'tingling'  and warming sensation. After two days of applying the lotion twice daily I began to notice the scaly patches shrinking in size and the itching gone - but what about pain relief?

Like I say, I'm a sceptic when it comes to pain relieving lotions and creams - in fact I'm a sceptic when it comes to even Morphine being effective against my pain to give you an idea of where I'm at as far as pain relief goes - but, as a sceptic, I need to be proven wrong (I pray to be proven wrong some day!)

I have to be honest and tell you that the lotion did not relieve the pain in my lower back - but when you consider that not even morphine takes that pain away then you will probably not be surprised to hear that - HOWEVER - (here's the bit where you say "Oh, he's been told to say that because he got the product for free blah, blah, blah...") HOWEVER - I do suffer badly with fibromyalgia pains in my shoulders and elbows (tennis elbow) and the lotion was effective at providing some relief from that - it didn't take it away completely but it did make things more bearable and comfortable in those areas, especially my shoulders.

Overall I can honestly say that The Fay Farm's Healing CBD Hemp Lotion is an effective moisturiser and treatment for excessively dry skin conditions. It's especially soothing for itchy skin and goes some way to relieving mild to moderate muscular aches and pains.

If I have one 'gripe' about the product it's that the scent - lovely as it is - is not particularly 'masculine' and that's fine if, like me, you spend most of your time at home with family, but if I was socialising with my buddies over a pint or two down at the Rose & Crown I certainly wouldn't want them questioning my choice of 'deodorant'!!

My primary aim in testing this lotion was to ascertain its effectiveness at soothing my eczema and for this it far exceeded my expectations. If you've tried everything else without success you have nothing to lose in giving this lotion a go.

You can find out more - and view their wide range of products - at www.thefayfarm.com - you can also  read more about their CBD Oil range and get a 10% discount and free shipping* on any order (just enter the code "fibromen") here - http://thefayfarm.com/p/cbd 

*Free shipping only available in US.

So Sick of My Hat of Many Rocks.

Banging My Head on a Brick Wall

I've been relatively quiet of late for fear of boring readers with all that ails me, but I just feel the need to vent my spleen one last time before undergoing a transformation (hopefully.)

I have had pain, ranging from excruciating to agony to severe to livable, twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five/six days, for over thirteen years. Can you imagine that? If not try to imagine the pain you might feel if you were to wear a hat with a bunch of two pound sharp rocks dangling from it on varying lengths of rope - all strategically placed to bash into various points in your back, neck, shoulders, thighs, guts, knees, ankles, feet, arms, hands, wrists, fingers and toes as you move around - some days individually, some days all together at the same time but at different intensities - some pounding into you, others niggling, others constantly embedded on a pressure point. Now imagine trying to function normally with all those rocks hitting you throughout the day, then imagine going to bed physically beaten and exhausted but being unable to sleep soundly because you're still wearing your rock hat and, no matter how you position yourself, there's a rock digging into you somewhere on your body. Just imagine that hat, and while you're imagining that hat imagine also being bombarded by an additional, bigger and sharper rock straight into your stomach and intestines causing them to cramp, become sore and irritated and giving you horrendous diarrhoea, nausea, painful trapped wind, bloating, constipation. Imagine having to live with those rocks for just a short period - say, a month. Do you think you might go a little off the rails? Become depressed, anxious? You'd kill for a cure wouldn't you? Well. that's me for the past thirteen years. I'm not saying it's that intense every day but I kid you not when I say that I've been getting pounded by at least one of those rocks every day for thirteen years - sometimes the niggling ones, sometimes the two pound sharpies!

I've tried virtually every treatment known to man, have undergone more invasive tests than any person should have to endure, have taken pills and potions, tablets and lotions, with infinite hope and ultimate despair. I have had enough.

I don't want pity. God knows there are so many more people who've lived with it longer than me and who have it even worse than me - at least I can still work, albeit part time.

The time has come for a different approach. I have signed up to do something radical in a last ditch attempt to overcome fibromyalgia, crohn's disease / IBS, insomnia, anxiety and depression. I'll be writing more about this new radical approach in the coming weeks. It is going to take a monumental personal effort - and, no doubt, it's going to be unpleasant for a while, but I have to see it through to the end or fibromyalgia will be the end of me.

Hopefully I'll soon be able to remove my hat of many rocks. Wish me luck!!