So Sick of My Hat of Many Rocks.

Banging My Head on a Brick Wall

I've been relatively quiet of late for fear of boring readers with all that ails me, but I just feel the need to vent my spleen one last time before undergoing a transformation (hopefully.)

I have had pain, ranging from excruciating to agony to severe to livable, twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five/six days, for over thirteen years. Can you imagine that? If not try to imagine the pain you might feel if you were to wear a hat with a bunch of two pound sharp rocks dangling from it on varying lengths of rope - all strategically placed to bash into various points in your back, neck, shoulders, thighs, guts, knees, ankles, feet, arms, hands, wrists, fingers and toes as you move around - some days individually, some days all together at the same time but at different intensities - some pounding into you, others niggling, others constantly embedded on a pressure point. Now imagine trying to function normally with all those rocks hitting you throughout the day, then imagine going to bed physically beaten and exhausted but being unable to sleep soundly because you're still wearing your rock hat and, no matter how you position yourself, there's a rock digging into you somewhere on your body. Just imagine that hat, and while you're imagining that hat imagine also being bombarded by an additional, bigger and sharper rock straight into your stomach and intestines causing them to cramp, become sore and irritated and giving you horrendous diarrhoea, nausea, painful trapped wind, bloating, constipation. Imagine having to live with those rocks for just a short period - say, a month. Do you think you might go a little off the rails? Become depressed, anxious? You'd kill for a cure wouldn't you? Well. that's me for the past thirteen years. I'm not saying it's that intense every day but I kid you not when I say that I've been getting pounded by at least one of those rocks every day for thirteen years - sometimes the niggling ones, sometimes the two pound sharpies!

I've tried virtually every treatment known to man, have undergone more invasive tests than any person should have to endure, have taken pills and potions, tablets and lotions, with infinite hope and ultimate despair. I have had enough.

I don't want pity. God knows there are so many more people who've lived with it longer than me and who have it even worse than me - at least I can still work, albeit part time.

The time has come for a different approach. I have signed up to do something radical in a last ditch attempt to overcome fibromyalgia, crohn's disease / IBS, insomnia, anxiety and depression. I'll be writing more about this new radical approach in the coming weeks. It is going to take a monumental personal effort - and, no doubt, it's going to be unpleasant for a while, but I have to see it through to the end or fibromyalgia will be the end of me.

Hopefully I'll soon be able to remove my hat of many rocks. Wish me luck!!