Saying "Yes" But Meaning "No" - Yet Winning!!

I am terrible at saying "No."

Ask me to work a few hours extra at work: "Oh, okay then!"
Ask me to change the beds on a bad pain day: "Right, I'm on it!"
Ask me to help you dig up a tree stump: "Where's the spade?"
Ask me to lend you some money: "Here, take my wallet!" (this is a lie - my friends will tell you I'm tighter than a fish's chuff!!)

Get the picture? Recognise this in yourself? Or are you one of those people who can say "No" without hesitation? (If you are then we need to talk!)

I recently cut my hours at work because I was scared of letting them down when I had a flare of my crohn's / IBS symptoms. It was an early morning start (05:45) with no way of calling in if I was ill, so I asked them if they could switch my hours. They said "No." Instead they said I could drop the hours completely! Not the result I wanted, but I was becoming increasingly anxious about letting them down, so I agreed to the loss of a six hour shift (and six hours pay!) rather than fight them to move the shift.

Since then the business has suffered with some key staff members taking time out with various illnesses - mainly Team Leaders / Deputy Managers, and they've asked me no less than six times in the past month or two to deputise for their missing staff.

There are PROs and CONs of me doing this.

My standard role involves lots of standing (in one spot) for up to five hours (CON), or lots of heavy lifting (CON), or a mixture of the two (SEMI-PRO) - both activities play havoc with my pain levels.

The shifts where I deputise for the managers involve lots of delegating of the heavy tasks (PRO) and lots of walking around or sitting down (PRO) - basically I can take it as easy as I need to to control my pain levels. They also involve a lot more computer work and cash management - which can be stressful given my occasional 'brain fog' (CON) and there is the added responsibility of locking up the store at the end of the night (CON) they also pay me an extra £1 an hour (WOW! - SEMI-PRO!!)

My standard role shifts are no more than five and three quarter hours long (PRO)
My deputising shifts are NINE HOURS long (CON)

In December, when the store was at it's busiest, I was asked to deputise on two consecutive nights - Saturday and Sunday nights, our two busiest days throughout the year, but even more so in the run up to Christmas, I'd need to run the shifts between 14;00 and 23:15 on both days. I said "Yes!"

Big mistake! Whilst I completed both shifts without incident I hadn't banked on the consequences of two such mammoth shifts, back to back. The Monday after I had to call in sick because my pain spiralled out of control. I was off for a week and vowed never to agree to deputise again. However, the next week they asked me to do it again and guess what I said: "YES!" I know, I know, I'm an idiot!

HOWEVER - I told them I could only do it for my normal shift hours (MASSIVE PRO) meaning I didn't have to be at work until 17:30 (instead of 14:00) I can delegate all the heavy stuff, I can walk around or sit down (depending on how my pain is) and I run the shift my way - getting out on time. I can pace myself. There is the extra stress of cashing up five tills and locking up the store, but I can manage that, just about!

That's saying "Yes" on my terms. That's saying "Yes" whilst meaning "No" yet winning all the way - those extra £1's come in handy too!

Unexpected Support

These days getting anything for nothing is an impossible task. This is especially true of hard-pressed local authorities under a Tory Government. 

So I was genuinely shocked to hear that, after my Blue Badge assessment, I had been referred to local social services for 'additional support' to enable me to stay in my own home. (This was especially shocking given the fact that my family and I have never had any intention of leaving it!!) But apparently, the occupational health assessor had decided that my level of disability warranted an intervention by the Staying Put Scheme - set up to support home owners and council tenants remain in their homes for as long as possible rather than enter sheltered housing or care homes.

So, even though I own my home, I'm eligible to access support to make living with this dreadful condition a little easier, and never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I have.

The lady who visited me was another occupational therapist who observed me doing the everyday things I would do in my home - climbing the stairs, sitting and rising from chairs, getting in and out of bed, getting in and out of the bath / shower, using the toilet (not actually using it!!), preparing meals. She asked me about my comfort levels during each activity and, as I seem to be in a never ending flare at present, I answered as honestly as I could.

The trouble is, I can do all of the things she asked me to do in the fashion I've become accustomed to doing them - I can get in and out of my chair - with some pain, I can get up and down the stairs - with some pain, I can get on and off the toilet - with some pain, I can get in and out of the bath - with some pain etc. I didn't tell her I was in pain each time I did the activity requested but, somehow, she knew. She could see my pain. I wasn't wincing, or groaning at every activity (or, at least I don't think I was) but she identified the areas I have most difficulty with merely by observing me do them!

Two days later I got a visit from the local authority Handy-Man Scheme who installed a bannister to enable me to climb the stairs easier and a week after that the occupational therapist returned with a bath 'balloon' that inflates so I can sit and be lowered into the bath, then raised back up to get out - it's an amazing piece of kit and has made life so much easier

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I no longer have to ask my wife to help me out, or clamour over the edge of the bath to the floor when I can't lift my legs.

I'm incredibly grateful for these things. Having struggled along for so long it's nice to be able to get a bath without the gymnastics - I used to have to get in backwards on my good leg, sit down with my bad leg over the edge of the bath and then 'man-handle' it in to the water! Now I just sit on the seat cushion, deflate it, get bathed, re-inflate it and get out - it's fantastic!.