Positivity In Pain - An Apology.

I have always considered myself to be a fairly positive person, but recently I've been having so many negative thoughts I'm beginning to think I'm turning into Victor Meldrew!

Over the years I've berated my mother in law for her negativity (a prime example would be me saying what a lovely day it is and her responding "Aye, but it won't last, it never does!") but on October 10th I reached a milestone - my fiftieth birthday. The big five-O. My half-century. And, all of a sudden, EVERY LITTLE THING IS GETTING ON MY NERVES! I have little interest in anything other than drinking tea (or Carlsburg) and watching TV. If I have to move out of my chair I do so like a petulent child. It will be no surpise to me if, tomorrow, I throw myself on the ground, thrashing and screaming, if I don't get my own way over the TV viewing for the night! I just feel like kicking-off like that, just once, to see what reaction I get.

It is fair to say, in my defense, I am in a great deal of pain, twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days of the year, but I've been at this level of pain for approaching a full year now, with no relief, and prior to my fiftieth birthday I was placidly getting on with it, living as best I could and trying not to let it get me down. Come 'post fiftieth' and a switch must have been triggered. Miserable. Grumpy. Whiny. Moaning. Depressive. Negative. I just can't seem to help it. Minor irritations are now big irritations. My pain levels have gone through the roof, or at least it feels that way.

So, was it reaching fifty that triggered this depression, or was it suffering the pain for just too long? I can't even blame the medication because I don't take any of the prescribed stuff anymore - just paracetamol which has zero effect!! Either way, I'm in a deep depression at the moment and I just want to apologise to any readers out there for my negativity. I'm sure things will improve. In time. (I hope)

Just ignore me until I have something positive to say!

As Coincidences Go - This Has To Be The Strangest..

Way back in 1989, whilst I was working as a quality auditor in a plastics injection moulding factory, I began to develop horrendous pain in my left foot whenever I walked. It only happened when I was at work and wearing the heavy workwear safety shoes I'd been supplied with, but over time it got worse and I visited the doctor as over the counter pain relief hadn't worked.

The doctor didn't have a clue so he referred me to a specialist who diagnosed Morton's Neuroma - a benign growth over a nerve ending between the third and fourth toes. Ultrasound and steroid injections didn't work - so I ended up having an operation to remove the nerve and growth. Some months later the pain returned - this time in my right foot. Another Morton's Neuroma - another operation and all was fine until 2001/2, when I started showing the symptoms of fibromyalgia and was eventually diagnosed in 2003.

This morning I found this article - Is Morton's Neuroma Linked to Fibromyalgia?   

Again - it's more common in women than in men - they blame high heels - though that was definitely not the cause for me! It was the work boots, honest!

Looks like I've been fibromyalgic for a lot longer than I thought!!