I like to doodle. I've been a doodler all my life. As far back as I can remember, in times of stress, I'd doodle some nonsense creation or other. I got through school with doodles - I avoided the physical attention of the bullies by drawing weird looking characters to amuse them and they'd laugh instead of punching my lights out. If only they'd known that some of the doodles were of / about them!
In later life, through protracted meetings about targets and growth, I'd doodle obscene caricatures of the meeting attendees! It has kept me sane, or possibly insane, throughout my life.
These days I doodle to focus on something other than my pain. Writing in general tends to set off pains in my hands and fingers, but doodling needs a more relaxed hand to let the creativity flow so I can doodle for far longer than I can write.
I'm definitely no artist - though I do try, but sometimes what's intended to be a human eye turns into a slug, and most of what I doodle turns out cartoonified or bizarre. The thing is, it relaxes my mind. Helps me focus on something different and, for the breifest of times, takes my pain away.
Over the years I built up quite a collection of nonsense art - but most of it was accidentally thrown away last year - so I set up a web site to store my creations safely, for posterity and to allow others to share their ridiculous creations should they wish to do so - www.sillyart.co.uk is the site, if you'd care to take a look at some of what my odd mind churns out. (It's in development but will be updated soon with even more of my madness!) You might even want to share some of your doodles there.
Not all of my creations turn out to be doodles, some I'm actually quite pleased with, like this one:
. But most turn out to be bizarre - like these:
How do you relieve the stress of being in constant pain?
If, like me, you find yourself doodling some mad creation, or even an actual, real, work of art, I'd love you to share it with me on the site - you can upload your art at www.sillyart.co.uk/contact.html .
Happy scribbling!
When my pain reaches a level where I feel like I might die from it - or
sometimes wish I would die just to stop it - I find it very difficult to
think positively about my condition. Anyone in constant pain for
thirteen years must surely, eventually, come to terms with it and learn
to live with it. Not necessarily 'cope' with it, but live with it.
I
haven't. I want to alter the way I am. I want to reverse it, go back to
the days when I wasn't in agony when someone touched me, the days when I
could sit and watch TV comfortably, lift heavy gear at work, climb
mountains, kayak in the lake district, because I miss those times so
much. And that makes the pain worse.
So, how can I live my life going forward when I so badly mourn the loss of my pain-free life?
I don't have a strategy for this.
I
need a strategy to help me move on. To make a new life with the added
element of "this is gonna hurt, but you're gonna do it anyway and to the
best of your limited ability." I already do this, to a certain extent,
with my job.
At work I lift stuff I shouldn't. I know full well
it's going to hurt later (as well as during the task in hand) but I plod
on - cases of eight 2litre bottles of Coke, 10kg bags of flour, 10kg
bags of kitty litter, 24 pack beer crates. It hurts, but I do it when I
can because to not do it would be to admit defeat and give up working.
There are times when my body just will not allow it of course, and my
employers know this so they tolerate the days when this happens, but in
the main I do as I'm asked. Despite what will follow and in spite of my
condition. I do it to maintain some semblance of the life I once had.
Am
I wrong to push myself like this? I don't know. I do know that there
are men like me all over the world. Men who toil and push themselves,
trying to break through the pain barrier in order to avoid admitting
defeat. There are, I'm sure, some men out there who go through all of
this agony without ever knowing that they have fibromyalgia because they
think that is what a man should do, it's 'normal' for a man to do a
hard day's work and come home exhausted and in pain. They shrug it off
as 'just an age thing' and put off going to the doctors - I know I did,
for a long time. When I eventually went to the doctor - he could find
nothing wrong. No strains, sprains, pulls, tears, arthritis, rheumatics,
cancers. NOTHING. So it's got to be just me getting old, right?
At thirty six?????
Eventually,
when you've been through all of the examinations, pokings and proddings
by 'specialists' and they have found nothing wrong to be causing you so
much agony, they stick you in the fibro category, and they leave you
there to rot.
"You have to learn to live with it." they say, to
which your reply should be "Okay doc, I'll do just that. Where's the
training room?"
There isn't one of course. There is however this
wonderful resource called "The Internet" and that's where you should
begin developing your strategy for learning to live with fibromyalgia.
Read blogs by people with fibro. Join facebook, google+ and other social
media to engage with others in chronic pain. The internet is the only
resource for helping you to come to terms with, and live with, your
condition.
You're not going to get that from your doctor.
I have always considered myself to be a fairly positive person, but recently I've been having so many negative thoughts I'm beginning to think I'm turning into Victor Meldrew!
Over the years I've berated my mother in law for her negativity (a prime example would be me saying what a lovely day it is and her responding "Aye, but it won't last, it never does!") but on October 10th I reached a milestone - my fiftieth birthday. The big five-O. My half-century. And, all of a sudden, EVERY LITTLE THING IS GETTING ON MY NERVES! I have little interest in anything other than drinking tea (or Carlsburg) and watching TV. If I have to move out of my chair I do so like a petulent child. It will be no surpise to me if, tomorrow, I throw myself on the ground, thrashing and screaming, if I don't get my own way over the TV viewing for the night! I just feel like kicking-off like that, just once, to see what reaction I get.
It is fair to say, in my defense, I am in a great deal of pain, twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days of the year, but I've been at this level of pain for approaching a full year now, with no relief, and prior to my fiftieth birthday I was placidly getting on with it, living as best I could and trying not to let it get me down. Come 'post fiftieth' and a switch must have been triggered. Miserable. Grumpy. Whiny. Moaning. Depressive. Negative. I just can't seem to help it. Minor irritations are now big irritations. My pain levels have gone through the roof, or at least it feels that way.
So, was it reaching fifty that triggered this depression, or was it suffering the pain for just too long? I can't even blame the medication because I don't take any of the prescribed stuff anymore - just paracetamol which has zero effect!! Either way, I'm in a deep depression at the moment and I just want to apologise to any readers out there for my negativity. I'm sure things will improve. In time. (I hope)
Just ignore me until I have something positive to say!
I've written recently about the fantastic benefits of a good night's sleep - something I hadn't had for most of my life, and certainly not since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia some thirteen years ago - and how I was offered the chance to partake in a free trial of the N:rem Comfort mattress topper. (Read my review here)
Usually there is a £10 fee to undertake a trial - but those wonderful people at N:rem Sleep Systems have given me TEN FREE TRIALS to give away to the first ten people to respond.
You will receive a selection of 5 foam comfort tablets to try on your
current mattress, with a choice of set up so you receive maximum
comfort and support. Simply choose the combination that is right for
you and arrange the foam tablets you receive under your bottom sheet.
If you’re not sure what your best set up will be, a member of the N:rem
team is on the other end of the phone to offer expert set up advice
and answer any questions you may have.Places are limited to just ten
free trials and the trial will run on a first come first served basis.
After the trial period your toppers will be collected from you and there is absolutely no obligation to buy - but, after you've found your most comfortable night's sleep ever, I think you'll want to own a mattress or comfort topper from the N:rem range.
All you have to do is be one of the first ten people to complete the form on our website - here's the link:
FREE SLEEP TRIAL
Please be aware that this is a trial of the N:rem Comfort Topper system - the foam tablets you receive are a simplified version of the actual toppers for sale through the N:rem Site. You will not own the trial tablets and they will be collected from you when your trial is over. THE FREE TRIAL IS AVAILABLE TO UK RESIDENTS ONLY. We will only accept entries using the form on the FREE SLEEP TRIAL link above, all other entries will be deleted.
Only the first ten respondents will be allowed a free trial and there is a one per household rule. Duplicate entries will be removed. If you submit an entry and get the message "Sorry, we have allocated all of our free trials" it means that you have missed out on this occasion.
Please also be aware that, as a trial, you will not own the goods supplied to you and you MUST return them when collection is arranged. If you fail to give up the tablets you will be charged for the full cost of the five tablets - currently £20 per tablet plus packaging and delivery costs.
