Time for a Time Out to Tame the Black Dog

It's fair to say that, over the past few weeks, I've become disinterested in being ill, or at least I've become disinterested in writing about my illness.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy writing and maintaining this blog, it's just that I've reached the point in my illness where I want to focus less on it and more on myself. Is this a common feeling among the chronically ill? Is it just a phase I have to get through in order to reach the next level?

I don't know.

I feel like I've written all I can about being ill - regardless of the never ending array of new and strange symptoms - I can only write so much about sleep deprivation, back pain, restless legs, brain fog, headaches, irritable bowel syndrome. Nothing is new. Nothing inspires me to write.

This could, of course, be a symptom of that other invisible illness which is hounding me at the moment -  that big black dog depression (for which I have now been prescribed Prozac, as I couldn't tolerate Duloxetine, and some counselling - we'll see where that takes me!)

In short, what I think I'm saying is: "I need a break from focusing on how ill I am!"

In short, I'm saying au revoir for a while. It could be a short while or a long while - it depends on when and where I find inspiration (so I may be back next week!!)

I have a post scheduled for Monday morning - a sponsored post about a product I think you'll find worthwhile - and then I'm going to focus on taming that black dog!

Tired all the time? You might be suffering from Fibromyalgia.

I've just read an internet advertisement that started with the header 

"Tired all the time? Then you might be suffering from fibromyalgia."

I don't know about other sufferers, but I imagine they will have experienced something similar to me, and tiredness doesn't come close. Exhaustion would be a more apt description. I've been tired through lack of sleep and I've been tired through physical exercise in the past, but I've only ever been truly exhausted through fibromyalgia. It's when your body no longer has the will to function properly. It's when your brain begins to shut down involuntarily. It's when your only thought is to sleep, wherever you are and for as long as your body needs to recover from the cause of your exhaustion - but, alas, your body won't fully recover. You'll wake almost as tired as you were before you slept.

It's at times when I'm exhausted that I sleep the most. It happens possibly two or three times a year - I get a full six or seven hours sleep (I usually sleep for far less than this) and when I wake I feel far from refreshed and my pain seems to be worse - possibly from being immobile for longer than I'm used to. Exhaustion + More sleep = more pain, and more pain means more tiredness - it's a vicious cycle!   So sleep offers me no incentive - it won't refresh me, it won't reduce my pain. I sleep because it would be rude not to. I sleep because I don't need the heating on when I'm asleep. I sleep not to recover physically but to switch my brain off from the pain for four or five hours a night, and even then it won't always let me. Sometimes the pain won't let me sleep, sometimes the pain wakes me up!

It's no wonder I look so haggered!!