How Do I Develop A Coping Strategy?

When my pain reaches a level where I feel like I might die from it - or sometimes wish I would die just to stop it - I find it very difficult to think positively about my condition. Anyone in constant pain for thirteen years must surely, eventually, come to terms with it and learn to live with it. Not necessarily 'cope' with it, but live with it.

I haven't. I want to alter the way I am. I want to reverse it, go back to the days when I wasn't in agony when someone touched me, the days when I could sit and watch TV comfortably, lift heavy gear at work, climb mountains, kayak in the lake district, because I miss those times so much. And that makes the pain worse.

So, how can I live my life going forward when I so badly mourn the loss of my pain-free life?

I don't have a strategy for this.

I need a strategy to help me move on. To make a new life with the added element of "this is gonna hurt, but you're gonna do it anyway and to the best of your limited ability." I already do this, to a certain extent, with my job.

At work I lift stuff I shouldn't. I know full well it's going to hurt later (as well as during the task in hand) but I plod on - cases of eight 2litre bottles of Coke, 10kg bags of flour, 10kg bags of kitty litter, 24 pack beer crates. It hurts, but I do it when I can because to not do it would be to admit defeat and give up working. There are times when my body just will not allow it of course, and my employers know this so they tolerate the days when this happens, but in the main I do as I'm asked. Despite what will follow and in spite of my condition. I do it to maintain some semblance of the life I once had.

Am I wrong to push myself like this? I don't know. I do know that there are men like me all over the world. Men who toil and push themselves, trying to break through the pain barrier in order to avoid admitting defeat. There are, I'm sure, some men out there who go through all of this agony without ever knowing that they have fibromyalgia because they think that is what a man should do, it's 'normal' for a man to do a hard day's work and come home exhausted and in pain. They shrug it off as 'just an age thing' and put off going to the doctors - I know I did, for a long time. When I eventually went to the doctor - he could find nothing wrong. No strains, sprains, pulls, tears, arthritis, rheumatics, cancers. NOTHING. So it's got to be just me getting old, right?

At thirty six?????

Eventually, when you've been through all of the examinations, pokings and proddings by 'specialists' and they have found nothing wrong to be causing you so much agony, they stick you in the fibro category, and they leave you there to rot.

"You have to learn to live with it." they say, to which your reply should be "Okay doc, I'll do just that. Where's the training room?"

There isn't one of course. There is however this wonderful resource called "The Internet" and that's where you should begin developing your strategy for learning to live with fibromyalgia. Read blogs by people with fibro. Join facebook, google+ and other social media to engage with others in chronic pain. The internet is the only resource for helping you to come to terms with, and live with, your condition.

You're not going to get that from your doctor.

Smoking.

For 34 of my 49 years I have been a smoker (49-34 = 15, yes, I was fifteen when I started!)

Apart from one period of eleven months in 2012 when I made a serious attempt to quit, I have smoked at least twenty per day, sometime upwards of 25.

I considered myself a hardened, dyed-in-the-wool smoker. I resisted every attempt to get me to quit. My wife (who's never smoked) and daughter have begged me, bullied me and bribed me to stop smoking. I never would. I could never see myself as a non-smoker. From the age of about twenty-five I made several half-hearted attempts to stop using every method known to man - self-hynosis, gum, patches, willpower, tablets, nicotine lozenges, electric cigs - you name it I've tried it. Nothing worked.

Last October, for my 49th birthday I tried a new electronic cigarette (not for the first time) One with a battery and detachable 'tank' which you fill with nicotine liquid and 'vape' through. I bought it as a smoker with no intention of quitting - I just felt the need to cut down because of the cash implications smoking has as well as the health ones. I gave myself a bit of advice - "Try not to smoke, try to use this instead, but really try." I expected nothing from myself other than I would try.

And try I have. Okay, so I use the highest strength of nicotine 'juice' I can find and yes, it very rarely leaves my lips, but my electronic cigarette has replaced real cigarettes in all but one aspect of my life - work. At work I manage to get through five cigarettes in a week - I enjoy a ciggie in my breaks - which is a vast improvement on my former smoking self when I would smoke twenty plus PER DAY. I'm incredibly proud of myself for coming this far.

I know there are those out there who will say "But you haven't quit completely." and they'd be right, I haven't. But it was never my intention to quit - which is what differentiates this attempt from other attempts to quit fully. The fact I'm allowing myself the occasional smoke at work has made it easier to carry on, rather than stopping altogether and making myself feel 'deprived' In the past I wouldn't have dreamt of going to bed without knowing there were enough cigarettes to see me through the morning of the next day. Now I can go to bed, wake up, get through the full day, go back to bed without ever smoking one solitary cigarette. They rarely cross my mind. If I don't have any I'm no longer the raving maniac I once was. By trying I've found I can live without them - at least when I'm not at work. That challenge is another bridge to cross when I get to it, but I'm sure that I'll get there soon as the ones I am still smoking aren't enjoyable in the slightest - in fact they taste rank.

Surely they haven't always tasted this vile..........????

Why did I ever start?

Quality Family Time - What Does It Mean To You?

Modern life decrees that we should all run around like frightened ferrets to maintain a lifestyle none of us can afford. We add stress to our lives to ensure that we are earning enough to pay for the house, the car, the annual holiday(s) the latest hi-tech gadgets, and we do this intentionally. Nothing is ever enough.

I'm done with it all - I did the stressed out thing years ago and look where it got me, fibromyalgia, crohn's disease. My family live very frugally these days - we have to having given up, or had taken away through austerity, the high powered, high earning roles we once had, we're now both cashiers in convenience stores. But even our frugal lifestyle dictates that we must work at least 37 hours per week between us to make ends meet and that means that six out of seven days in a week one, or both of us are at work. We only get Thursdays when we can be a complete family together.

But we get by. We earn enough to pay the mortgage and rates and utilities and, because we rarely go out for meals or social occasions, we treat ourselves to a decent package of entertainment through Virgin Media.

We don't buy a new car every three years like we once did. Our car is now twelve years old and probably in need of some TLC - but only when, and if, we can afford it. We don't have the latest in high tech gadgetry - we have a ten year old laptop, pay as you go mobile accounts with second hand handsets and a Samsung Galaxy Tablet (one out of three ain't bad!) which we had to get for Emily to use for her education. We don't take annual holidays overseas for two reasons 1: We can't afford it and 2: We really don't want to. Many of you might find the latter a little strange but we really don't want to - we have all we need on our doorstep, so much history within a hundred mile radius of us that we have yet to explore, so many visitor attractions, beaches, lakes and natural beauty within walking distance, why would we want to fly half way round the world when we can do it all at home?

It's also good that we are all singing from the same song sheet too - it would be hell on Earth if one of us had some kind of wanderlust and the other wanted to be a hermit - we ALL love the way we live - work as little as often, earn what we need to live in that time and the rest of the time be together as much as we can and enjoy "Quality Family Time" in front of the TV or playing a game or doing some sort of craft,  with a cosy fire, a nice cup of tea and warm slippers!!