Smoking.

For 34 of my 49 years I have been a smoker (49-34 = 15, yes, I was fifteen when I started!)

Apart from one period of eleven months in 2012 when I made a serious attempt to quit, I have smoked at least twenty per day, sometime upwards of 25.

I considered myself a hardened, dyed-in-the-wool smoker. I resisted every attempt to get me to quit. My wife (who's never smoked) and daughter have begged me, bullied me and bribed me to stop smoking. I never would. I could never see myself as a non-smoker. From the age of about twenty-five I made several half-hearted attempts to stop using every method known to man - self-hynosis, gum, patches, willpower, tablets, nicotine lozenges, electric cigs - you name it I've tried it. Nothing worked.

Last October, for my 49th birthday I tried a new electronic cigarette (not for the first time) One with a battery and detachable 'tank' which you fill with nicotine liquid and 'vape' through. I bought it as a smoker with no intention of quitting - I just felt the need to cut down because of the cash implications smoking has as well as the health ones. I gave myself a bit of advice - "Try not to smoke, try to use this instead, but really try." I expected nothing from myself other than I would try.

And try I have. Okay, so I use the highest strength of nicotine 'juice' I can find and yes, it very rarely leaves my lips, but my electronic cigarette has replaced real cigarettes in all but one aspect of my life - work. At work I manage to get through five cigarettes in a week - I enjoy a ciggie in my breaks - which is a vast improvement on my former smoking self when I would smoke twenty plus PER DAY. I'm incredibly proud of myself for coming this far.

I know there are those out there who will say "But you haven't quit completely." and they'd be right, I haven't. But it was never my intention to quit - which is what differentiates this attempt from other attempts to quit fully. The fact I'm allowing myself the occasional smoke at work has made it easier to carry on, rather than stopping altogether and making myself feel 'deprived' In the past I wouldn't have dreamt of going to bed without knowing there were enough cigarettes to see me through the morning of the next day. Now I can go to bed, wake up, get through the full day, go back to bed without ever smoking one solitary cigarette. They rarely cross my mind. If I don't have any I'm no longer the raving maniac I once was. By trying I've found I can live without them - at least when I'm not at work. That challenge is another bridge to cross when I get to it, but I'm sure that I'll get there soon as the ones I am still smoking aren't enjoyable in the slightest - in fact they taste rank.

Surely they haven't always tasted this vile..........????

Why did I ever start?