Is it an ache? Is it a pain? YES, It's Fibro-Man!!

I used to feel, as a man with fibromyalgia, wholly embarrassed at my situation. I tried for years to conceal the intense agony I was suffering every day. I'd try to carry on with daily life in as much a normal way as I could. Doing the gardening, decorating, cleaning windows, laying carpets, building flat-pack furniture - all the usual stuff a normal healthy married man in his mid to late thirties could, and should be able to, do with ease. Except it wasn't easy. Nothing was easy, cutting the grass left me in agony. If I mentioned it to my family they'd respond with "Oh, for heaven's sake Gary, you've only cut a little lawn!" I'd suffer in silence, embarrassed at the fact that it really shouldn't have left me feeling so much pain. Feeling less of a man each time I mentioned having pain anywhere, everywhere in my body. If I had to disassemble the vacuum cleaner to unclog it, or fix the belt, unscrewing the screws left my arms feeling bruised for days afterwards - like I'd done a thousand push-ups. That's not normal for anyone, let alone an otherwise fit man.

Although I was initially given a 'preliminary diagnosis' of fibromyalgia in 2003 (when I was 37) it wasn't until last year that it was confirmed as fibro - having spent the preceding eleven years visiting the doctor more times than I visited my workplace, and having ruled out every other ailment known to man. Along the way I became stressed, and the stress made things worse. I developed severe pains in my gut, kept throwing up and running to the loo, they diagnosed Crohn's disease in 2008. By hiding things I'd taken the stress internally and made my situation ten times worse. Now, I not only had to cope with the pain of fibro but also the new, life changing disease called Crohn's! Both incurable, only manageable - and barely manageable at that.

So, knowing what I now know, why did I hide my illness for so long. It's not the fact that it wasn't fully diagnosed or that I thought it might be 'all in my head.' It was embarrassment. Pure and simple. I was a man with responsibilities. I had a stressful job, my clients relied on me, my family relied on me. How could I be everything everyone expected me to be when I was in so much pain, or when I couldn't drag myself away from the bog?

Is it an ache? Is it a pain? Yes, it's FIBRO-MAN!

I now know that I'm not alone. There are millions of people in the same, or worse, condition as me. Most are women it's true, but that wasn't the cause of my embarrassment. It was purely and simply the fact that I couldn't be the 'man' I (and only me) expected me to be. Strong, dependable, do anything for anyone kind of man. 

But I'm not. I accept that now. I'm "Fibro-Man", with a loving and understanding wife and family, who stood by me through it all and will continue to do so - providing I don't try to be something I'm not and end up killing myself.

I'm "Fibro-Man" and proud! Now fetch me my walking stick!